I laid,crying,listening to bellas lullaby,wishing that it was mine.Hoping that this would be my last cry tonight.And as I write,I hear music.A melody.And I feel tears trickling down my face like rain.Ive cried so many nights waiting,hoping that this is meant to be.Because it's what I want.January 12,2009 is when I thought my journey would begin.But it has gone nowhere.At first,I thought that my crying thoughts were for the part of me that wanted to be imortal,like a vampire(to much twilight)Like Robert Pattinson in twilight.Wanting to be his Bella.Feeling that it would never happen was the worst part of my tears.Acting is my life now.My inspriration?Twilight.It's everything I want.But mostly because my favorite actor,Robert Pattinson and acterss,Kristen stewert plays in it.I read he has a huge crush on her.I hope they go out.Myabe I could play in amovie with them someday,or even meet them.Who know's?As we drove tonight,I stared at the twilight sky,wishing upon stars.Stars that werent there.But then it hit me.Like in the day time,when you wait for the night for so long,it feels like forever.And you dont exspect to see any stars anytime soon.But just because you don't see them now,doesnt mean their not coming.Nad Ive had opportunities,but it doesnt mean that that I wont get moreAnd Im waiting for this.I have been waiting for a long time.But it doesnt mean its not coming.Well now im reaching for the stars,and gravity's not keeping me down.And Im not going to stop.No.Not this time.Not until Ive reached the stars.Not until i finally get to be one. Its about 5:30a.m,January 19,2009.Im lying in my bed,listening to Bella's lullaby.Wanting to drift awayinto a sleep.It put me to bed last night as well as it does every night.I have an appointment with one sorce talent today at 6:30pm,and Ive set up another with hollywood auditions.Thats where I wanna be.I dont wanna wait to be on the big screen.Even though it takes time.Well I feel that it's taken enough time.I wish soemone would reach out to me.But I bet when it happens,I wont even see anything coming.I want this so bad.God isnt making me go through all this heartache and trouble for nothing.This is alot,and I hope it pays off.I dont wanna be 22 trying out for commercials.I'd rather be trying out for movies,or asked to be in one.God I have a hard time being patient!!!I guess its not just me.WHen something like this happens you just cant wait you know?!!But Ive already made up my mind,Ive cried mty last tears of pleading,or so I hope I have.I want my next cry to be for when I make it.They'll be "thank you" tears for GOD,and all the people,the agencies who helped me get to where I will be.I went to that Kauffman meeting in 2006,hoping that I would get a spot.I prayed,and it happened,so I have no doubt that this wont.I know it's gonna come when Im least exspecting it.Ive made some big mistakes and I hope they dont follow me into my new life.Im reviving from the old me and becoming another person.Someone who's righteous,has attitude,who loves herself and where she's going.But never forgets where she came from.This morning,Ill pray to the twilight sky.But Ill be wishing upon the sun.That today,or another,ill come home,and my new future will begin.Ill be back to sing you more lullaby's.You just wait.they'll be great ones.(ill write more,and all of this is true and about me,if you know anything in the acting buissness,help me out..please.never forget dreams..never forget friends who helped you get there.....
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