Marriage... hate it.
It all went so fast. We dated for about a year. I got pregnant. I had our daughter, Aeryn Sakura, then we got married a month later. Everything went too fast. At first there was no difference from being married and dating and I was as happy as could be. Until things never changed we always argued about the same s*** everyday and one night he got off work and went to drink with his friends&co workers and he tried to kill me.
I knew that was the last straw. And i lost a whole lot of love for him.
what happened?
It was about 6am and he wasnt home yet so i just figured it was a busy night at work and he would be home soon. I couldnt stay awake any longer so I went to sleep about 7am. I turned my phone on silent, like i always do. I wake up to banging. Aeryn was still asleep. I went downstairs to go let him and our roommate inside, still half asleep. Start heading back up the stairs and my husband starts freaking out, "WHERE THE F*** WERE YOU DOING?!!" and he is just pissed off. Come to find out they both had gotten mugged on their way to the car. My husband had a knot in the middle of his head. And he tries to fist fight me. Our roommate grabs him and sits him on the futon. I head back upstairs to tend to Aeryn who is crying her eyes out and screaming her head off. I dont even make it to our bedroom and he followed me upstairs and puts his hands around my throat and pushes me into the bathroom and we fall onto the floor. I'm kicking with all my might trying to get him off of me. Our roommate comes running upstairs, grabs him and pulls him off of me, and brings him downstairs. I hear glass breaking and things being thrown everywhere and was NOT looking forward to cleaning up that mess later on that day. Aeryn saw the whole thing, which just broke my heart. I grab Aeryn and hug her so tight while crying and fearing for our lives. I called my friend Erin for advice but she didnt answer. I called my mom and i told her "I NEED TO LEAVE! i dont know what to do.." But I couldnt just up and leave, I didn't have anyone to take me to the airport except his mother (they dont have a good relationship..) but i hardly talked to her at the time. I was just listening to everything he was saying downstairs, he was calling his friends and whatnot to talk s*** about me to. He even had the effing nerve to call MY MOTHER and leave her a nasty voicemail at 4am (hawaii time...8am new orleans time)
Finally, he cools down a bit. He comes upstairs and our roommate runs up after him and my husband tries to push him away and tell him to go away because he wanted to talk to me. Our roommate was feared for our lives as well. So our roommate goes downstairs while we talk about things like our relationship and whatnot. I told him I was going to leave him with Aeryn and he grabbed his rifle and cocked it and told me he was going to kill himself. Our roommate comes running upstairs because he heard it cock from downstairs, he thought he was going to kill ME. We talked some more while our roommate went back downstairs. I was still feared for my life that I did not want to sleep. He even had the nerve to try and get me to put out.... YEAH, RIGHT... after all of that! But i eventually fell asleep after he did. I am SO THANKFUL that our roommate was there otherwise I think I would be dead.
So a few months went on by and every month I had called my mother to tell her to come get Aeryn and I. So just a 3 days ago, his mother helped us move out. I only packed the clothes I wear a lot, important paperwork, clothes she wears and the toys she plays with the most. It took 3 suitcases to hold our things. So now, we are in hawaii with my mother. I have plans to get my life moving again. I need to get my license, GED, job and eventually get my own apt. Things were NOT going anywhere sitting at home all day doing nothing but watching movies, cleaning house, with no internet (except on cell phone), no cable. I felt like a crazy person that was shut in their house. I had NO support, other than his mother and sister and they were always busy with working and their lives, I had no friends there... and I missed my family and friends. I felt so bad about just leaving while he was at work but it had to be done and I feel that this was the right thing to do, as much as he's hurting.. maybe he'll understand a little about how I felt being there. I always told him that he chose the city of new orleans over his own family; and he knows that. So he is planning on coming out here dec 1st which i am SO NOT thrilled about but i can't blame him for wanting his daughter in his life. I just hoped that I could live my life with my daughter and not have to worry about being stalked or anything. He keep calling and texting me but I have no spoken to him since I was in LA for a layover and even then I ended up hanging up on him because he always makes me feel like cr*p when I talk to him.
I am planning on divorcing him once I can find out some things. And I am not taking his child away from him... that will also be figured out.
hope u enjoyed reading my "novel" ha. boy oh boy do I feel like I'm in a soap opera.. I had quit smoking for almost a month and just going through all of this made me start again. That's the main reason I smoke.. stress reliever. And music (good charlotte for the most part... listening to their old songs on their first album brings back GREAT memories so it always makes me feel better) and support helps too.
so, GC, thank you for your great music. :)
I knew that was the last straw. And i lost a whole lot of love for him.
what happened?
It was about 6am and he wasnt home yet so i just figured it was a busy night at work and he would be home soon. I couldnt stay awake any longer so I went to sleep about 7am. I turned my phone on silent, like i always do. I wake up to banging. Aeryn was still asleep. I went downstairs to go let him and our roommate inside, still half asleep. Start heading back up the stairs and my husband starts freaking out, "WHERE THE F*** WERE YOU DOING?!!" and he is just pissed off. Come to find out they both had gotten mugged on their way to the car. My husband had a knot in the middle of his head. And he tries to fist fight me. Our roommate grabs him and sits him on the futon. I head back upstairs to tend to Aeryn who is crying her eyes out and screaming her head off. I dont even make it to our bedroom and he followed me upstairs and puts his hands around my throat and pushes me into the bathroom and we fall onto the floor. I'm kicking with all my might trying to get him off of me. Our roommate comes running upstairs, grabs him and pulls him off of me, and brings him downstairs. I hear glass breaking and things being thrown everywhere and was NOT looking forward to cleaning up that mess later on that day. Aeryn saw the whole thing, which just broke my heart. I grab Aeryn and hug her so tight while crying and fearing for our lives. I called my friend Erin for advice but she didnt answer. I called my mom and i told her "I NEED TO LEAVE! i dont know what to do.." But I couldnt just up and leave, I didn't have anyone to take me to the airport except his mother (they dont have a good relationship..) but i hardly talked to her at the time. I was just listening to everything he was saying downstairs, he was calling his friends and whatnot to talk s*** about me to. He even had the effing nerve to call MY MOTHER and leave her a nasty voicemail at 4am (hawaii time...8am new orleans time)
Finally, he cools down a bit. He comes upstairs and our roommate runs up after him and my husband tries to push him away and tell him to go away because he wanted to talk to me. Our roommate was feared for our lives as well. So our roommate goes downstairs while we talk about things like our relationship and whatnot. I told him I was going to leave him with Aeryn and he grabbed his rifle and cocked it and told me he was going to kill himself. Our roommate comes running upstairs because he heard it cock from downstairs, he thought he was going to kill ME. We talked some more while our roommate went back downstairs. I was still feared for my life that I did not want to sleep. He even had the nerve to try and get me to put out.... YEAH, RIGHT... after all of that! But i eventually fell asleep after he did. I am SO THANKFUL that our roommate was there otherwise I think I would be dead.
So a few months went on by and every month I had called my mother to tell her to come get Aeryn and I. So just a 3 days ago, his mother helped us move out. I only packed the clothes I wear a lot, important paperwork, clothes she wears and the toys she plays with the most. It took 3 suitcases to hold our things. So now, we are in hawaii with my mother. I have plans to get my life moving again. I need to get my license, GED, job and eventually get my own apt. Things were NOT going anywhere sitting at home all day doing nothing but watching movies, cleaning house, with no internet (except on cell phone), no cable. I felt like a crazy person that was shut in their house. I had NO support, other than his mother and sister and they were always busy with working and their lives, I had no friends there... and I missed my family and friends. I felt so bad about just leaving while he was at work but it had to be done and I feel that this was the right thing to do, as much as he's hurting.. maybe he'll understand a little about how I felt being there. I always told him that he chose the city of new orleans over his own family; and he knows that. So he is planning on coming out here dec 1st which i am SO NOT thrilled about but i can't blame him for wanting his daughter in his life. I just hoped that I could live my life with my daughter and not have to worry about being stalked or anything. He keep calling and texting me but I have no spoken to him since I was in LA for a layover and even then I ended up hanging up on him because he always makes me feel like cr*p when I talk to him.
I am planning on divorcing him once I can find out some things. And I am not taking his child away from him... that will also be figured out.
hope u enjoyed reading my "novel" ha. boy oh boy do I feel like I'm in a soap opera.. I had quit smoking for almost a month and just going through all of this made me start again. That's the main reason I smoke.. stress reliever. And music (good charlotte for the most part... listening to their old songs on their first album brings back GREAT memories so it always makes me feel better) and support helps too.
so, GC, thank you for your great music. :)
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