It's a new day.

I think I'm finally starting to figure things out. I'm almost to happy. I'm still not quite there yet, and I'm not really sure where to find it. But I know I'll find it one day. And I owe a lot of that to GC. Sure, now I don't really use them to make everything better, and I don't rely on them and put my life in their hands. But GC is a part of me. I think they always will be. Every time I look back on my life, everything that's ever gone wrong, or exactly right in my life, there was a song for it. It just so happens that the song usually ended up being a Good Charlotte song. When I was bummed out about school, and life in general, it was The Little Things. When I was realizing that my mother was all I had and she had given up so much for me, it was Thank You Mom. When it was Father's Day, and I was sitting by the phone hoping, by some miracle, my father had finally realized that he loved me and missed me, and I never got the call, it was Emotionless. When I was questioning living, thinking everything was too hard and no one would understand, it was Hold On. When I finally realized that my life was my own and no one could live it for me, it was The Anthem. When I was day dreaming about being all that I could be, making it to California, getting a record deal, and living my dream, it was March On and Waldorf Worldwide. Basically what I'm trying to say is that although I've realized that no one else can make me happy until I make myself happy, I still owe a lot to the people that helped me through so much growing up. In a strange way Good Charlotte were like the older, over-protective brothers that I never had. I realize that probably sounds very strange, considering there is no chance in a frozen hell that they're my brothers, and I've never met them. ( Other than Benji. ) But what I mean is, I never had anybody to teach me right from wrong, how the world works. My father was gone, my step-father was gone, my mother was always at work, and I'm an only child. Good Charlotte taught me a lot about life and even myself with their music. I know I sound like I have my life all figured out, but I really don't. It wasn't that long ago when I still needed Good Charlotte. I've been on my own for over a year and a half now and it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was so stressful and difficult to have to support myself entirely and learn how the world works on my own. I still don't know how this world works. I'm learning day by day. But I guess that's all I really can do. Sure, I still have my problems. I'm working a barely minimum wage, fast-food job that barely covers my rent. And sometimes it doesn't cover rent. I can't afford to do all the things I wanted to do with my life. I don't have time to go to school and graduate. I'm still absolutely terrified that my father is going to realize that I'm not the daughter he wanted and leave again. I have self-confidence issues coming out the wazoo. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that my friends aren't who I thought they were, or I'm not who I thought I was. I have a lot of things wrong in my life. But I'm trying to teach myself to look passed all of that. To be dependent on only myself. I'm trying to make a life. In the process, my dreams have sort of been shattered. I've realized that there is no way I could get to L.A and there isn't a get-famous-quick scheme waiting for me on Melrose. I always just kind of figured that because I wanted to be a famous singer, touring the world and spreading my music, that it would just happen. But it's not going to. I don't know how to make it happen either. But what I do know, without a doubt, is that I can only do my best. I may not be the person that I eventually want to be, but I can be the best that I can be right now. I'm learning to accept my flaus and love myself. I'm learning that not everything will get handed to me just because I want it. I'm learning that life is hard. But it's worth it. That may not seem like a big feat for you, but for me, it's like landing on the moon. All I can do is keep trying. So that's what I'm going to do, because I'm thinking that is the road that will lead me to happy.