opinions please!?!?!
so i wrote this poem and a lot of my friends said it was good but i was wondering what some of you guys would think. You have to be perfectly honest...dont lie and say its good so you dont hurt my fellings. you can commet on here, my page, or message me i dont care..i get on every day so ill get it one way or anther.
The sound of his voice cuts me deep,
Too much pain, too hard to think.
Tears like razorblades trickle down my face,
Blood running down at a super slow pace.
His laughter is calming to all but me,
I sit there alone in painful agony.
Wishing there was something to make it go away,
Just for a second, minute, or day.
Alone in my room,his face in my thoughts,
Soon this note will be found by the cops,
Who come to take my body away,
To store in the ground to rot away.
The tears I wept for him seemed to be more,
Then the ones they shed on the funural home floor.
This is the end, and i died in sin,
All because I loved him.
So what do you think?
ATTENTION: WELL I JUST GOT GOOD NEWS. WELL LIKE WILLIAM SUGGESTED I HAD MY FRIEND TRANSPOSE IT INTO A SONG AND I JUST GAVE WILLIAM AND HIS BAND PERMISSION TO USE IT SO IF YOU LIKE THE POEM I HOPE YOU LIKE THE SONG!!!!!!!! THANKS WILLIAM!!!! XD
The sound of his voice cuts me deep,
Too much pain, too hard to think.
Tears like razorblades trickle down my face,
Blood running down at a super slow pace.
His laughter is calming to all but me,
I sit there alone in painful agony.
Wishing there was something to make it go away,
Just for a second, minute, or day.
Alone in my room,his face in my thoughts,
Soon this note will be found by the cops,
Who come to take my body away,
To store in the ground to rot away.
The tears I wept for him seemed to be more,
Then the ones they shed on the funural home floor.
This is the end, and i died in sin,
All because I loved him.
So what do you think?
ATTENTION: WELL I JUST GOT GOOD NEWS. WELL LIKE WILLIAM SUGGESTED I HAD MY FRIEND TRANSPOSE IT INTO A SONG AND I JUST GAVE WILLIAM AND HIS BAND PERMISSION TO USE IT SO IF YOU LIKE THE POEM I HOPE YOU LIKE THE SONG!!!!!!!! THANKS WILLIAM!!!! XD
Views: 0
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by X-I-Luv-GC-X on -
I think it's good!! =)
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Permalink Reply by mandiXannXlonely on -
sorry its just the way i feel but thanks for the opinion
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Permalink Reply by Virginia on -
I think it would be better if you widened your vocabulary. I don't think it's bad, but a larger vocabulary definitely improves any poet's work. :]
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Permalink Reply by stalefish skater on -
i think that this poem could be a good song
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Permalink Reply by mandiXannXlonely on
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thank you. I actually have a friend that sings in an alternative band and im thinking about asking him his opinion too
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Permalink Reply by stalefish skater on
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as an amutare songwriter i think that songs have feelings and meanings so this poem could be a great heavy metal rock song
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Permalink Reply by mi6eto_123 on -
i like it - honestly!
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Permalink Reply by mandiXannXlonely on
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thanks!
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Permalink Reply by mandiXannXlonely on
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um he actually wrote a song for me the other day...i actually think it was yesturday. im going to put it on here and see what you think...thanks for the idea!
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